So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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