I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
