Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
