Umm I'm too high to move.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
