Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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