what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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