It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
