I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize