arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
