My hand turned me down
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
