I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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