Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
