Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
