Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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