Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
