im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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