My friends, they love my intelligence
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
