come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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