That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
