Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
