I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
