my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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