you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
