i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
