either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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