I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
