then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
These tits shall not be calmed
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
