If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
