yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
