we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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