he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
