This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize