I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
