and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
