I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
