girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im six kinds of drunk right now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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