my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
