I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
