i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
