she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
