my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
