I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
