she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
