I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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