Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize