she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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