The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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