My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
