Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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