Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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