dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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