my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
