I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
