Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
