after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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