I'm sorry my penis didn't work
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
