no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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