I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
