I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
