Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Cover your peen. We're going out.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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