Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize