I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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