Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
