We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
