at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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