Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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