I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
