you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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