as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
