hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
