Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
