We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
