so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
