I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
