Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
