Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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