I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
