forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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