you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
