so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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