She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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