she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
