I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
