hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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