if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
