Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
