I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
