Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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