Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
