My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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