Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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