so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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