I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
