It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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