she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
