ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
