I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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