Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
