So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
